Three Witches Skit

: (Dark. Cauldron with light emanating. 3 Witches around. Storm sounds.)

Magrat (Witch 1): Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the cauldron boil and bake.

Granny (Witch 2): Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog.

Nanny (Witch 3): Adder's fork, and blindworm's sting,
Lizard's leg, and howlet's wing.

All 3 Witches: Double, double, toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble

Nanny (Pause): Bugger. A pox on whatever wrecked this spell.

Magrat: I do believe it was the rain. (pause)
When shall we three meet again?

Granny (Pause)

Lemme see... (Sound of rifling papers) Well, bugger it all, can we have a little light?

: (Lights up. Witches are wearing raincoats. Granny is looking at a daytimer.)

Much better. Well, I guess I can do next Tuesday.

Nanny (Gets out her daytimer, looks at it): No good. I'm babysitting on Tuesday.

Magrat (Gets out electronic daytimer, looks at it): Anytime's fine with me, but could we please try to having it in better weather? This thunder and lighting and rain is really getting to me.

Granny: Well, the meeting was at your place, dear. You're responsible for your own weather.

Nanny: And this coven thing was your idea in the first place.

Magrat: Well, I thought the storm might add... atmosphere. But I changed my mind.

Nanny: Atmosphere? We got atmosphere. Where there's air, there's atmosphere, I always say. The atmosphere don't have to dump itself on us so violently.

Granny: Yeah. I don't like violence. Now lemme see. I guess I'm free Thursday after next.

Magrat: Thursday? But it's gotta be on a Saturday. Witches always meet on a Saturday.

Granny: Says who? Have you been reading them fool books again?

Nanny: Them books don't know a blessed thing. All that nonsense about dancing around in shifts and suchlike-

Granny: I mean, if there was so many of them that they couldn't all dance at once, they shoulda got a bigger place. Though why they'd want to dance at all...

Nanny: Them books was written by wizards, and you know what wizards are like. It's them chastity laws of theirs. Gives 'em funny ideas in the middle of the night. Really, dear, you shouldn't be reading such stuff. Messes with the mind, I say.

Magrat

But it's tradition. You can't be witches 'less you act like witches.

: (Nanny and Granny exchange a long-suffering look.)

Granny: Listen, dear, I know you're new to this witching business and all, but there's a few things you oughta know already. Like, so long as the magicking gets done, it don't matter how you act.

Magrat

But that's no fun...

: (Shuts up as the other two glare at her.)

Granny: So... Thursday's all right? At my place?

Nanny: Yeah, I'm fine with that.

Magrat: Oh, all right.

Granny: An' don't bring the chalk this time. It took me a week to clean off all those silly stars and squiggles and stuff.

Magrat: Oh, all right.

Granny

All right. Thursday it is.

: (Puts away daytimer, gets out broomstick, mutters at it, tries to fly away, falls down)

Bugger. They don't make broomsticks like they used to.

: (Pause)

Someone's coming.

Magrat: Can you tell by the pricking of your thumbs?

Granny: No, by the pricking of my ears. Let's go. If you're expecting company, we wouldn't want to interfere.

Nanny

So, Thursday after next. See you then, dear.

: (Granny and Nanny go out on broomsticks. Magrat watches them go, then takes out her own broomstick and begins sweeping. Lights out.)

Disclaimer: These characters (and some of the lines) were created by Terry Pratchett and belong to him. This is a piece of fan work, and no money is being made from it.