You've been wronged. Perhaps it was by a friend, co-worker or a long-time rival. You could let it blow over, turn the other cheek and get on with your life. Yeah right. You want revenge so bad you think about it every day. The desire for vengeance disturbs your sleep and inhabits your dreams. But will you ever take your revenge? Too many people let the soothing balm of time heal their troubled psyches. They let the years go by and forget the wrongs done to them. They have good dispositions and make friends where ever they go. We call these people losers. To take revenge requires planning, tenacity and skill. Fortunately, all these traits can be learned. It has been found that people who take control of their lives - and other peoples' lives - share certain habits. Together we will explore seven habits that, when practiced studiously, will make you into a first -rate avenger. 1. Be provocative No matter the setting, never be afraid to call attention to an enemy. Whether it's around town ("Well, if it isn't the asshole that rear-ended my mom!") or at the office ("Hey, Bob, thanks for telling the boss about my three hour lunches!" ) never hesitate to shout invective toward the little toad. Doing so will serve two purposes: It puts them on notice. They should prepare for reckoning, or apologize ( assuming it's not too late). The offenders are exposed to the public for what they are. One note of caution. Make sure whatever you say can be misconstrued by your lawyer in a courtroom setting, should things go awry. 2. Plan for the future Planning is essential to exacting revenge. The act of vengeance can be petty, brutal and inelegant, but it doesn't have to be. Handled by a true artisan, vengeance can be a symphony of rue and ruin. After all, if you didn't want to plan you could have just bitch-slapped the idiot at first offence. But you have the privilege and duty to construct a precise payback machine. Not only will planning bring about a more satisfying revenge, it may keep you out of court. Our corrupt justice system often does not understand the independent person who takes care of their own responsibilities. Therefore, when planning your enemy's comeuppance, take a little time to establish an alibi, a defense or possibly a temporary insanity plea. Of course, this all depends on how serious you want to be. 3. Keep a little list You probably deal with lists every day. There's your grocery list, your "to do" list and your bar tab. Lists are organizational tools that keep valuable information in order. For the vindictive person, that order is key. It's the difference between mere anger and effective persecution. You should keep all kinds of lists: lists of phone numbers, people, things you found in their trash, etc. Just don't keep them in the same place. 4. Keep your anger alive One of the largest differences between highly vindictive people and the mere drones that make up most of humanity is anger management. Now I know you have heard about anger management before, but we're not talking about the wussy, do-gooder claptrap. We're talking about keeping your anger alive, feeding it a little to keep it going yet managing it so that it won't actually kill you. Consider the following graphs which illustrate anger levels. In the normal person's graph, anger spikes sharply at time of incident, decreases slightly immediately following, and falls almost to zero soon thereafter. Contrast that with the vindictive person's chart. We see the same spike, but after that things change. There is no decrease for a little while, and when there is it doesn't fall as sharply. Also notice that anger is stoked and fed every once in a while to keep the wound itchy. That's anger management. 5. Share that chip on your shoulder Most vindictive people will be not only short of temper, they will actually seek opportunities to make others miserable. Why is this? It keeps the vengeful person in shape mentally, so he or she won't fall into the trap of seeing others as worthy of compassion. I remember a young man (we'll call him "Tom" to protect Sidney Wurm's identity) who rabidly desired to be vindictive, but could not escape his essential good nature. If he was slighted, he would initially plan revenge. Unfortunately, he would forgive all at the first kind word said to him. During counseling I explained the problem to him. I encouraged him to walk around with a chip on his shoulder and to let everyone know it was there. The next day when he arrived at the office, his co-worker said the usual inane "good mornings." Tom replied with a nasty, brutish "What's so good about it?!" You can be sure the kind words dried up very quickly, and Tom was freed from his basic wimpy nature. 6. Vaporize As the blacksmiths used to say (before they were all downsized by the Industrial Age), "Strike while the iron is hot!" What do we mean by this? When iron is cold, hitting it with a hammer will either have no effect, or it will break it. When iron is hot, it can be molded. Actually, we don't want to mold anything, or even break it. So let's just get out our flame thrower, and destroy the analogy, the iron, and the know-it-all blacksmith as well. When executing revenge, don't do anything by half. Anything left unfinished will have to be done later, or it will finish you. 7. Sharpen the saw - re-energizing No human being could keep up the intensity of being highly vindictive without re-charging their batteries every once in a while. Vacations are taken from work in order not to burn out, so that we can come back to work refreshed. The same is true for vengeance. The key is relaxing in such a manner as to retain the edge required for revenge and pettiness. There are many methods, but listed below are a few that work 99 per cent of the time. Drinking - A good drunk will do wonders. It relaxes you in one way, but in another way it keeps you angry and brooding. As an added bonus, you think you can kick anybody's ass. Have a one night stand - A co-worker is good, but a prostitute will do if all your co-workers are on to what a miserable son-of-a-bitch you are. The next morning you will wake up to an empty bed and a feeling for how hollow and shallow people really are. Also, your wallet may be gone. TV marathons - This is a little realized resource. So many cable TV networks offer marathons featuring old sit-coms. Sit down on that couch and watch them. No matter what your opinion of the show before, by the time you're finished you'll be ready to spit on humanity's collective grave. Conclusion By accepting and following the 7 habits, you will re-invent yourself. No longer will you be a door mat, or a sapling bending over with every wind that blows. You will be a highly organized, vengeful person. You will be feared and respected. Remember, you won't sleep well until you know the score is evened. Now, go out there and take on the world!