Satira tries to fight off the grip. Not much logic in that, but then again the entire situation doesn't seem to call for logic. Her small body is no match for Calisa's grip. "Let me go!!" she screams.

Calisa doesn't. "Satira...sister, I'm sorry. It won't come to that, ever...I just...I don't know why I said that." Tears start down her cheeks; she releases Satira, stepping back. Somehow, it always seems to end this way.

Not expecting the release, Satira's last pull is suddenly unresisted, sending her to the other side of the room, where she's stopped by the wall. After a second in which the girl just stay by the wall, stunned, she simply lets herself fall down on the floor.

Calisa follows after Satira, distracted for the moment from her troubles. Kneeling, "Are you alright?'

Satira looks up at her sister, nodding a little. Her eyes, however, are filled with tears again.

Calisa's head slowly bends forward, chin touching her chest. "Satira...I don't...There's part of me that /wants/ the Aes Sedai to decide that...And I can't make myself care."

"No..." Satira's broken voice sounds, choked with the tears she manages not to sound out loud.

Head still bowed, Calisa looks pleadingly at her sister. "I wish I could...for you..." Eyelids slide shut over gathering tears. "...but no one else even cares..."

"That's not true..." Satira claims softly. "We all care..."

Softly, "No. Renni doesn't...I'm dead to her already. She said as much..And she's not come. Not once. I can't...Too much..." Tears streak Calisa's face, dripping onto her skirts. "Too hard."

Calisa's tear are an obvious cause of Satira's tears to increase. This time not seeking for her sister's embrase and instead just folds her legs in front of her, hugs them with her hands and hides her head - forhead touching her knees as well. Folded inside herself, and staying almost completely silent, although her body is shivering again.

Calisa's tears come and come, beyond her stopping them. Blindly, she reaches for Satira, hand landing on the other's head, then moving to a shoulder as she pulls Satira towards her.

Satira lets herself be pulled, taking a hold of her sister's body and pulling it against her once again. The touch releases some sobs out of her, as it did earlier. "I don't want to lose you..." she manages to say, as softly as ever.

Calisa holds Satira gently, not looking at her. "I'm not...who you knew once, Satira. Not Calisa Hune, but Calisa...Darkfriend. I've changed...too much."

"Don't say that..." Satira says... "You said yourself... they just made you say it... you didn't mean it..."

Calisa speaks slowly, attempting to sort her thoughts out. "The man who had me...He asked if I would give the oath if it meant living. I said yes. So...I did mean it. I did it in order to live, but I did it. And since...I've paid in nearly every way imaginable. By the Light's hand. And there's always a part of me that will live in fear of what the Shadow can do to me...And they can use that - the Dark, I mean. And they will, someday, somehow. I can't be the girl I was - too much has happened, has yet to happen."

"I still love you..." Satira says softly, "even if I behaved otherwise...". She then tries some reason, "why can't you just take an oath to the light?"

Calisa's face is a pasty white. "Because of the Shadow. Because I'm afraid to."

"You would rather stay a darkfriend?" Satira asks, her voice suddently clears itself from it's previous tears and emotion and sounds almost... cold.

Calisa shakes her head, saying nothing. Eyes fixed on her skirts.

Satira releases her sister, leaning back again. "Than what?" she asks

Calisa's voice is soft, saddened. "To not fall into the hands of another like that man, ever..."

"And that's it?" Satira asks, "You are not going to try to fix anything? Just to give up and spend your life in fear?". She probably speaks more maturely now than she did in her entire life combined.

Calisa stands, face shuttering. "There /is/ no solution. Not for me..." Voice thoughtful on the last sentence - there is /one/ solution...

Satira looks up at her sister. "There is... you just said you were too scared to do it" her voice accusing

Calisa takes a step towards Satira, almost looming over her. "And if I did as you suggest?" She raises a hand to the white streak in her hair, taking the time as she does to display her half-grown nails. "I may not survive a second time, or come back falling over myself to serve the Shadow. As things stand, I do not want to. I would keep it that way if I can."

Satira rolls to the side, avoiding her sister's shadow. How symbolic. "Than you are a coward" Satira says simply, finally standing up. "And I *am* disappointed with you". She takes a few steps toward the door.. or perhaps these steps were only to pick up the doll that she dropped earlier? That simple action of picking up the doll is suddently the only indication of childness in the girl's hard voice and words.

Calisa's mouth tries to pull downward, in a prelude to crying. "I /know/ what I am, Satira."

Satira turns to face her sister again, hugging the doll to her chest, her words soft and sharp. "I thought you were better. I thought you were really sorry for what happened and you wanted to change things... I thought you cared for me.."

And cutting; Calisa's face twists. "Do you think I don't?!"

"If you did..." says Satira, keeping the same tone. "You would not think only of yourself and would be able to see behind your own personal misery"

Calisa's lips peel back, defensive anger replacing the hurt. "What I told you was true - they could never make me harm you. Does that count for nothing?"

Satira shakes her head. "It's not enough" she says. "I hope truely that you see why..."

Calisa swallows, staring at Satira. "I do...But it doesn't change anything...knowing myself to be a coward does not change that I am one..."

Satira plants her fists on her hips, just like she saw the older women do. "Than try to change it... for my sake, if not for yours"

Calisa shrinks into herself. "I've told you...I...Oh, Light..." She trails off, stares at Satira a long moment...and turns away.

"I wish you all the best, Calisa..." Satira says softly. "You are still my sister, and I still love you more than anything else in the world... I'm just sorry you gave up so easily... sorry and dissapointed... I really *am* sorry..." she turns away and begins to walk toward the door.

Calisa snarls softly, "Easily, Satira? You can't begin to imagine what it was like!"

Satira turns again, by the door, to see her sister (or her back, at least). "I didn't mean then. I ment now..."

Calisa swings around. "All I know is I've nothing left. Not title, not home, not /family/. Those have been stripped from me no matter my oaths now. So what does it matter, Lady Satira?"

"I haven't" Satira says. "That should have been good enough for you... I know you would have been good enough for me, if the situation was reversed"

Calisa actualy smiles. "You were right, actually. There is one answer."

Satira waits for her sister to continue, keeping her eyes fixed on her. a gaze as cold as a child can do.

Calisa gives no explanation. Instead, "Goodbye, Satira." She nods towards the door.

"What is it?" asks Satira. Hoping the answer will be a good one.

Calisa shrugs. "What you suggested."

"Does that mean you'll do it, then?" some hope lights up in the girl's eyes, spoiling the serious grown-up expression that was so hard to put on.

Calisa inhales sharply, somehow unable to disappoint Satira. Eyes haunted, terrified, she merely nods.

A wide smile touch the girl's lips and she runs over to her sister, once again trying to embrace her in a hug. The doll was dropped by the door. Again. Poor doll.

Calisa does not return the embrace, staring past Satira at the door.

"What's wrong?" asks Satira, noticing her sister's reaction

Calisa looks down. "I will do it...Leave it at that, sister, please. And please...I would rather be alone for now."

Satira nods, understanding. "Goodbye, sister..." she says, turning away and walking out. Stopping, once again, only to pick up her doll.