Who is the Evil Hold Attack Monkey? See a picture Why is the Evil Hold Attack Monkey so dangerous? Read a story about an encounter with the Evil Hold Attack Monkey Go Home

The Evil Hold Attack Monkey is also known as Janandrea Fredran. Here are some facts about him:
He's a real monkey.
He's big.
He's powerful.
His birthday is September 15.
He's tall
He's Fat
He thinks that he is the best monkey around.
He flirts with all the boy monkeys.
He went to Monkey Modeling Agency, and modeled. On his first modeling job, he killed everyone in the audience because he was so ugly.
And the worst thing is......
HE'S PINK! (not flourescent neet pink, but that ickey puke pink)

JUST IN: He could be a she!!!!! Or a he-she, or a hermaphrodite, or well, we dont know.

The Peanut is a friend of The Evil Hold Attack Monkey. He helps him/her/it/whatever with all of the evil deeds. Some facts about the peanut:
His real name is Peanut.
He is evil.
He is PINK!!!
He is moldy.
He is rotten.
He's not as mean as Janandrea Fredran.
Janandrea Fredran has influenced the Peanut to become evil


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Why are they so dangerous?

Well, here's what they do! Janandrea Fredran and the Peanut have teamed up to kill the world. Janandrea Fredran, a.k.a. The Evil Hold Attack Monkey, carries the Peanut in his pocket while stalking the phone lines. When someone is put on hold, he is given the rights to jump out of your phone!!! (He can not do this when you put someone on hold- just when someone puts you on hold) After Janandrea Fredran has jumped out of your phone he will try to get you to eat the Peanut. This is very scary. I hope it never happens to you. If it does, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Run for your life!!!!! Get away from them as fast as you can. Or, you can take the easier route and just put the person you were talking to on hold- this sucks Janandrea Fredran right back into the phone! I am telling you this because if you do eat the Peanut, something really BAD will happen to you. I don't know what, because I have never eaten the peanut, but I know it's pretty bad.

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An encounter with the monkey

This is from way back on May 7, 1998. The author of the story is Jonathan Lafferty

>First of all, I had no choice but to eat the peanut. As I was holding the receiver up to my face, I was put on hold. Right through the mouthpiece of the phone, a pink hairy hand popped out. In that hand was the most hideous and vile thing that I had ever seen. Yes--IT WAS THE PEANUT. It was so...well...PINK. Ooooo...and it smelled too! Before I had a chance to run away, the hand had shoved the peanut down my throat. It tasted like Marshmellowcoffeegroundspicklejuicetomatopaste. I couldn't help but vomit. Little did I know that this vomit would SAVE MY VERY LIFE! As I regurgitated, the peanut was expulled from my esophagus and my life and sanity saved. Very angered by this, the Evil Hold Attack Monkey leaped from the phone and I gazed upon its repulsive face for the first time. I grabbed my nearby camera and took the picture that I gave you. All of this is very shocking. Very shocking indeed! However, what I'm about to tell you right now is the most shocking of all. The Evil Hold Attack Monkey is FEMALE! Or, at least, has a very feminine voice! She tried to coax me with her sweet voice. I was nearly helpless to resist. She said, "Mmmmm...Peanut. You like Peanut. Eat 'em up, Jonny." Very quickly I put the person who had ME on hold, on hold. The Evil Hold Attack Monkey was instantly sucked into the reciever. My life will never be the same again. My counselling sessions begin next week. I'm not sure I'll EVER be able to put all this behind me.

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