Why you don't eat Hairy Cheese

a true story

Olg I was a young girl who loved to have fun. She always wore her hair in pigtails. She lived deep in the woods with her father, mother, and pet tube of squeeze cheese named Squeezy. Squeezy was Olg I's best and only friend and they went everywhere and did everything together.
One day, when Olg I and Squeezy were playing fetch the cheese ball, Olg I accidentally threw the cheese ball into the bushes where Linda the hairy Cheese Man lived. Before Olg I could stop Squeezy, Squeezy rolled into the bushes to go get the cheese ball. When she was looking around in the bushes, Squeezy rolled right into Linda the Hairy Cheese Man. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sqeezy screamed as she rolled away as fast as she could. However, since Linda the Hairy Cheese Man had legs and Squeezy didn't, Linda the Hairy Cheese Man caught Squeezy easily. Linda the Hairy Cheese Man was very hungry so he started to eat Squeezy. "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!" yelled Squeezy. "Linda the Hairy Cheese Man is EATING me!!!" When Olg I heard Squeezy's cries, she ran over to save Squeezy, but it was too late. Linda the Hairy Cheese Man had already devoured the whold tube of squeeze cheese.
Olg I was very mad. Linda the Hairy Cheese Man had just eaten her only friend. She was so mad that she jumped on Linda the Hairy Cheese Man, ripped off his head and ate it. After that, she ate the rest of Linda the Hairy Cheese Man. Linda the Hairy Cheese Man was no more.
Olg I began to feel something weird on her head. She rubbed it, hoping it would go away. She rubbed and she rubbed, but it wouldn't go away. Two bumps were forming on Olg I's head. She was growing horns!!!
Olg I thought hard about why she would be growing horns. Then she had remembered that Squeezy had once told her never to eat hairy cheese because if you did, you would melt. She wasn't melting, though. Then she remembered that Squeezy also said that warm hairy cheese would turn her into a goat. Linda the Hairy Cheese Man must have been made out of warm hairy cheese!!! So, Olg I turned into Brenna the Kid and lived the rest of her life as a goat.

Now remember everyone. This is really a true story. some of the names have been twisted to protect identities. You see what happens if you eat hairy cheese now. So DONT EAT IT!!!!!

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